Conversations are essential to human interactions. The most genuine ones are comfortable, free-flowing and fun. The thing about conversations is, it is easy to lose track, lose interest and be at a loss for things to say. How to keep a conversation going has three basic parts: listening, processing and talking.
Part 1: Listening
1. Listening to what the other person is saying will give you an idea of:
What the he or she wants to talk about (hobbies, job, problems, etc)
Their background (family, heritage, experiences, etc)
How they feel
How they think
2. Listen/Read between the lines
Hear out verbal cues of sarcasm, jokes and expressions of emotion
Look at body language to tell you the level of interest. (Learn more about body language in the tips below)
Part 2: Processing
1. While listening intently, think of things that relate to what they are saying.
2. Processing means to take their cues (thoughts and feelings) and combining it with your own.
Part 3: Talking
Talking or responding to the other person can take the following forms:
Asking questions about what the other person just said
-Avoid asking questions that are answerable by yes or no
-Ask a question from what that person is interested in that you are also interested in knowing more about
Sharing your own experience or feelings about the same topic
Conversations are give and take situations. Listen as much as you talk. Hogging the conversation is a total turn off.
In as much as you avoid asking yes/no questions, do not answer with yes/no and one liners too.
Show enthusiasm and confidence when you talk
Be aware of current events, they make for great conversation starters and they’re better than talking about the weather.
Spot the following signs of positive body language and show them too:
-hand gestures and relaxed shoulders
-good eye contact
-nodding and leaning forward (shows interest in the conversation)
Avoid the following non-verbal cues:
-staring (can be creepy or show the signs of zoning out)
-fidgeting (shows unattention)
-crossing of arms or legs (shows disinterest or hostility)
Gone are the days when girls have to do all the asking. Sure it can be scary, nerve-racking and intimidating but learning how to ask a guy out could lead to great things. It could be that you have been friends for a long time or you belong to the same circle but you’ve never had the chance to be alone. You don’t have to wait for him to get all your hints, with these pointers, you can ask him out without coming on too strong and still be graceful if he says no.
1. Timing is everything.
Ask in a low-pressure setting where the two of you are comfortable. It could be after sports practice, in the hallway after class or when you are at a party.
Ask when you are alone or when there are not a lot of people around.
Don’t make a big deal out of it. Saying something like “Can I talk to you for a second?” is enough.
2. Have a specific activity in mind.
You can’t just come up to him and ask for a date or hang-out. You will look and sound silly.
The easiest activities to ask him for company are:
-school dance (like Sadie Hawkins or any other girls’ choice dance)
-movie, concert, game, museum or zoo visit (anything that the two of you are interested in)
-activity that he likes a lot (biking, eating Japanese food, ComiCon, etc)
-group dates are low-pressure and can be a lot of fun too
3. Plan for the best, expect the worst.
There is a chance that he doesn’t like you that much or he is seeing someone else and you didn’t know about it or maybe he is not free on the specific time and date you have planned. Expecting the worst will prepare you emotionally so you can still be graceful even if he says no.
Have a graceful exit strategy.
-Do not do the giddy happy dance in front of him if he says yes and do not drag yourself and burst into tears if he says no.
-Prepare a reason to leave the scene if he says no. Having to study for a test, hurrying to catch the bus or meeting someone will do.
-Come up with a plan B if he is clearly not in the mood. Ask for help with homework or the schedule of the next game if he is not in the mood.
4. Confidence is key.
Smile and talk fluently.
Look your normal self. Being overly dolled up when asking him is a turn-off.
Alternatives to asking him in person:
Over the phone –calling him eases the tension of having to ask personally, and you can have your gal pal standing by for support. The downside is, you cannot see his facial expression so you don’t know if he is interested for sure.
Through text, social networking and notes- this is low-key but can be pretty risky since you leave a trail for someone else to find. It can be embarrassing if someone else sees your message and you also have to worry about how to arrange your words.
Make sure he is not dating anyone. You don’t want to get into trouble for sure.
Pay for the date because it was your idea. Unless he insists on paying.
Don’t make a big deal if he says no. Don’t stop being friends and don’t bash him too.
Understand if he doesn’t want to date if he just got out of a relationship.
Asking out a girl can be one of the most nerve-racking experiences a lad can have. This is especially true for those men who are shy or have introvert-type personalities, those who are bouncing back from a break-up and those who are generally afraid of rejection. How to ask a girl out can be pretty tricky so to avoid the embarrassment of failing, here are a few steps to help:
1. Check her level of interest in you.
Here are some indicators of interest:
Making good eye contact with you
Smiling, laughing and having a good time when the two of you are talking
Finding ways to talk to you, sit directly in front of you or beside you when you are with a group of people
2. Observe how she looks at you.
If a girl likes you, she has the tendency to hold your gaze or shyly look away when you have eye contact. The trick is looking at how her gaze and her smile match at the same time. If she looks blankly at you and does not smile, it is obvious she is not into you.
3. Be aware of how she touches you.
Does she find ways to touch your hand even ever so softly? Does she find excuses to tap you or lean on you? The touch barrier is something that women put up if they are seriously not interested. The rule of thumb is, you don’t start physical contact unless she initiates.
4. Interact with her.
After making sure of her interest through her words and body language, engage her some more in conversations to ease your way into asking her out.
Look at her straight in the eyes when you talk. Shifty looks and looking at other body part will give her the wrong idea and turn her off.
Show her that chivalry is not dead; help her out when you can and when needed. Offer to carry heavy things for her, open doors and walk at the danger side of the street. Just don’t overdo it, save the grand gestures for when you are dating. At this point, subtlety is key.
Ask the question.
It is best to ask a girl out in a casual and low-key way so that if she rejects you, your embarrassment will not be a very big thing to deal with.
Put your best foot forward—smell nice and look nice.
Approach her nicely and strike a simple conversation.
Start small at beat around the bush a little. For instance, talk about music or the band before asking her to go to a concert with you.
Go with your gut. If she is responding positively to your conversation, ask away.
If you get rejected, handle it casually. She will probably say why she can’t go with you so a pleasant “That’s okay. Maybe another time then.” would be appropriate then carry on with the conversation.
Do not beg, manipulate or blackmail. She will definitely not want to have anything to do with you if you do that.
Do not react wildly if she says yes or no. That’s a turn off.
Do not ask suggestively. That means avoiding dirty questions, sexual innuendos and the like.
Do not ask through text or social networking. Even if there are emoticons, you will never be sure if she really likes you unless you ask her out personally.